


Group Chat of Pain

by lol-phan-af (lol_phan_af)



Series: 1-800-did-I-ask [43]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Multi, Texting, blood mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-13
Updated: 2016-08-13
Packaged: 2018-08-08 11:15:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7755598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lol_phan_af/pseuds/lol-phan-af
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>little lion: AM I IN A FUCKING SITCOM RN</p><p>more like HUNKules: WHAT HAPPENED</p><p>little lion: WASHINGTON IS FORCING ME INTO A GROUP CHAT WITH JEFFERSON AND MADISON AND WE'RE BEING FORCED TO HAVE CONVERSATIONS WITH EACH OTHER</p>
            </blockquote>





	Group Chat of Pain

**laf** : holy shit  
  
**johnn** : THAT WAS W I  L D  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I miss everything  
  
**laf** : OKAY SO BASICALLY JEFFERSON AND ALEX GOT INTO THIS HUGE FIGHT  
  
**laf** : IN THE MIDDLE OF A MEETING  
  
**more like HUNKules** : oh no  
  
**johnn** : aND ME, LAF, AND MADISON ARE ALL JUST SITTING AT THE CONFERENCE TABLE THING CRYING  
  
**johnn** : AND THEN WASHINGTON GOES O F F  
  
**more like HUNKules** : oh n o  
  
**laf** : I WAS SHOCKED  
  
**johnn** : AND SO NOW BOTH OF THEM ARE IN HIS OFFICE PROBABLY GETTING YELLED AT  
  
**laf** : MADISON IS THERE TOO FOR SOME FUCKIN REASON  
  
**more like HUNKules** :  oh god  
  
**more like HUNKules** : do you think he's gonna get fired  
  
**laf** : idk who else he'd get to do two months of paperwork in one week so prolly not  
  
**more like HUNKules** : good bc it'd crush him and I would have to fight washington  
  
**johnn** : I would pay to see that fight  
  
**laf** : same  
  
**johnn** : THEYRE COMING OUT  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : KILL ME RIGHT NOW  
  
**more like HUNKules** : whY WHATS HAPPENING  
  
**little lion** : AM I IN A FUCKING SITCOM RN  
  
**more like HUNKules** : WHAT HAPPENED  
  
**little lion** : WASHINGTON IS FORCING ME INTO A GROUP CHAT WITH JEFFERSON AND MADISON AND WE'RE BEING FORCED TO HAVE CONVERSATIONS WITH EACH OTHER  
  
**more like HUNKules** : WHY MADISON  
  
**little lion** : TO MAKE SURE WE ACTUALLY SPEAK TO EACH OTHER AND DONT JUST YELL AT EACH OTHER  
  
**little lion** : THEN HE SENDS THE SCREENSHOTS TO WASHINGTON  
  
**more like HUNKules** : WHERE ARE LAF AND JOHN  
  
**little lion** : ON THE FLOOR OF MY OFFICE LAUGHING AT ME  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I  
  
**more like HUNKules** : yeah that makes sense  
  
**little lion** : RUDE  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : not to be disrespectful sir but can't you just fire me  
  
**GWASH** : if I was any other person at any other job you would be fired alexander  
  
**little lion** : ITS JEFFERSON  
  
**little lion** : LIKE AWFUL ONCE VAGUELY CALLED ME A WHORE JEFFERSON  
  
**GWASH** : you two need to learn to stop being rude to each other  
  
**GWASH** : it's childish and it's going to do you both more harm then good  
  
**little lion** : uGhGhGgHGgHhGhGhGhGhGhHgH  
  
**GWASH** : who knows this might make you and him friends  
  
**little lion** : no offense sir  
  
**little lion** : but what part of ""once vaguely called me a whore"" did you not read  
  
**GWASH** : watch it  
  
**little lion** : sorry  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : WASHINGTON WONT FIRE ME  
  
**johnn** : did you seriously ask him to  
  
**little lion** : YES  
**johnn** : oh my god  
  
\---  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : this is the worst day of my life  
  
**little lion** : you get to have your boyfriend here so you're really not the one suffering  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : but I have to have you here which means I truly am  
  
**little lion** : DEAR GOD FUCK OFF  
  
**jmadzzz** : please don't make my life miserable  
  
**little lion** : I thought jefferson was already doing that  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : james literally loves me excuse you  
  
**jmadzzz** : sadly  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : excuse yOU  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : hello darkness my old friend  
  
**laf** : how bad is it  
  
**little lion** : idk what washington is trying to do this just makes it easier to drag jefferson  
  
**laf** : oh dear  
  
**little lion** : I don't wanna do this  
  
**laf** : you gotta  
  
**little lion** : ugh can't we just make out in my office  
  
**laf** : well  
  
**laf** : washington never said you couldn't do that  
  
**little lion** : then come here  
  
**laf** : omw  
  
\---  
  
**more like HUNKules** : where are you  
  
**laf** : alex, jefferson, and madison went into washington's office and asked him not to do this again  
  
**more like HUNKules** : did it work  
  
**laf** : absolutely not  
  
**johnn** : it was funny you alex screamed when he came out  
  
**little lion** : IT WAS NOT FUNNY  
  
**johnn** : it was to me  
  
**little lion** : ABSOLUTELY RUDE  
  
**johnn** : still love you tho  
  
**little lion** : nO  
  
**johnn** : COME ON  
  
**little lion** : NOPE  
  
**johnn** : PLEASE  
  
**little lion** : ughghghghg love you too  
  
**johnn** : yAY!!  
  
**little lion** : I don't deserve this  
  
\---  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : james are you still in your office  
  
**jmadzzz** : yeah why  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : bc I'm in the parking lot waiting for you??  
  
**jmadzzz** : I didn't know you were taking me home  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : oh I'm not taking you home  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I'm taking you There  
  
**jmadzzz** : never say that again  
  
**little lion** : is that all you do  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : do you not have sex with your signifs  
  
**little lion** : I'm having sex right now but that wasn't my point  
  
**jmadzzz** : in the name of the father  
  
**jmadzzz** : and of the son  
  
**jmadzzz** : and of the holy spirit  
  
**jmadzzz** : amen  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : amen  
  
**little lion** : you two were the ones planning to have sex  
  
**little lion** : don't be jealous bc I'm cooler than you  
  
**jmadzzz** : I'll be down in a minute  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : and you'll be going down in 15  
  
**jmadzzz** : yeah okay go with that  
  
**little lion** : eW  
  
**little lion** : oh god I go tt a go  
  
**jmadzzz** : why can't I just be abducted by aliens  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : rt  
  
\---  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : you up  
  
**jmadzzz** : never in a million years thomas  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : jaMES  
  
**jmadzzz** : NO  
  
**little lion** : aM I ACTUALLY WITNESSING A BOOTY CALL RN  
  
**jmadzzz** : no you're witnessing thomas being rejected  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : JAMES  
  
**jmadzzz** : itS FOUR IN THE MORNING I AM NOT DOING THIS  
  
**little lion** : JESUS FUCKING CHRIST IM GOING INTO EARLY RETIREMENT  
  
**little lion** : MY SIGNIFS CAN TAKE CARE OF ME IN THE MIDDLE OF MY MIDDLE AGE  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : as if you'll live that long  
  
**little lion** : fuck you  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : you up  
  
**johnn** : absolutely not  
  
**little lion** : oh thank god  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : I can't believe I just witnessed an attempted booty call  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : yes we uNDERSTAND  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : THAT WAS THREE HOURS AGO LET IT GO  
  
**jmadzzz** : what are you both doing up at seven in the morning  
  
**little lion** : why are you up at seven in the morning  
  
**jmadzzz** : I'm grocery shopping  
  
**little lion** : what the fuck  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : buY ME SOMETHING  
  
**jmadzzz** : what do you want  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : idk something with chocolate in it  
  
**jmadzzz** : that's too broad give me something specific  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : something with caramel and chocolate in it  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : or a milky way  
  
**jmadzzz** : that's still so many  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : just buy like whichever one you think I like best I doNT KN OW  
  
**jmadzzz** : I bought six you're picking three of them and I'm coming to your apartment  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : okay are you going to yours first  
  
**jmadzzz** : yes  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : okay that gives me two hours to sleep  
  
**jmadzzz** : dear god  
  
**little lion** : CAN YOU TWO NOT I AM TRYING TO SLEEP  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : put it on do not disturb  
  
**little lion** : I can't put do not disturb on my feelings so HUSH  
  
**jmadzzz** : me too  
  
**little lion** : H U S H  
  
\---  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : HELP  
  
**little lion** : suffer  
  
**jmadzzz** : what do you need  
  
**little lion** : you are such a mother  
  
**jmadzzz** : surely you have a mother signif  
  
**little lion** : yeah it's hercules but that's different  
  
**little lion** : also stop actin like just bc I'm poly that idk what monogamy is ~~like~~ like you are not my standard  
  
**jmadzzz** : okay I understand and sorry but like  
  
**jmadzzz** : how exactly is mulligan being your mother signif different  
  
**little lion** : HERCULES and idk it just is  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : IM SUFFERING AND YOU TWO ARE DOING THIS  
  
**little lion** : don't lump us together that makes us sound like friends  
  
**jmadzzz** : I asked you what you needed and you never responded  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : w/e I'm locked out of my apartment so like if you don't have your key when you come here then I'm fucked  
  
**little lion** : do you two not live together ??  
  
**jmadzzz** : no  
  
**little lion** : ew why  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : james doesn't want to move into my apartment  
  
**jmadzzz** : because nobody needs that much ""authentic"" french furniture that comes directly from ikea  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : excUSE YOU  
  
**little lion** : why don't you just move into jmads' apartment then  
  
**jmadzzz** : that's not my name  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I don't like the aesthetic of his apartment  
  
**jmadzzz** : okay I told you this before  
  
**jmadzzz** : dark wood cabinets are classy and don't need to be ruined with paint  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : they're gross and I hate them  
  
**jmadzzz** : one day I'm gonna turn up dead bc I rubbed my temples so hard that i stabbed my brain and died on impact  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : please don't  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : wanna go on a date tonight  
  
**little lion** : !!!yes!!!  
  
**laf** : I'm for it  
  
**laf** : also I've been looking down at alex's phone for the past 15 minutes @the group chat w/ jmads and tjeffs and it's not good  
  
**little lion** : they don't live together yet  
  
**more like HUNKules** : ew really  
  
**johnn** : idk they've only been dating for like four months  
  
**johnn** : or maybe we've only known about it for four months  
  
**little lion** : we were dating for five months by the time we moved in together  
  
**laf** : awwww  
  
**johnn** : that was cute  
  
**johnn** : also where should we go on our date  
  
**little lion** : the movies??  
  
**johnn** : we haven't been to the movies in forever  
  
**little lion** : true  
  
**johnn** : what should we see  
  
**more like HUNKules** : the shallows  
  
**little lion** : I'm divorcing you  
  
**more like HUNKules** : SHARK MOVIES ARE COOL TO ME  
  
**more like HUNKules** : YES I KNOW THEYRE PROBLEMATIC AND INACCURATE  
  
\---  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I'm sitting outside of my apartment door in nothing but cookie monster pajama pants james heLP ME  
  
**little lion** : I AM TRYING TO PLAN A DATE SHHHHSHHSHSHSHH  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : BUT THOSE MOVIES ARE SO MEAN TO SHARKS  
  
**more like HUNKules** : PLEASE  
  
**johnn** : WHY DO YOU EVEN WANT TO SEE IT  
  
**more like HUNKules** : !!!SHARK!!!MOVIE!!!  
  
**johnn** : ITS BEEN OUT FOREVER THO  
  
**more like HUNKules** : YES BUT I HAVENT SEEN IT YET  
  
**johnn** : HERCULES  
  
**more like HUNKules** : PLEALSLSLELELSESSLEA  
  
**laf** : honestly I'm for it  
  
**johnn** : wHY  
  
**laf** : bc alex is scared of shark movies which means I get to cuddle him through all of it  
  
**little lion** : should I be offended by that  
  
**laf** : I just like cuddling you  
  
**little lion** : I love you  
  
**laf** : I love you too  
  
**more like HUNKules** : SO THAT MEANS WE CAN SEE THE SHARK MOVIE  
  
**johnn** : ye  
  
**little lion** : ye  
  
**laf** : ye but I gotta sit next to alex  
  
**little lion** : *finger guns*  
  
**laf** : :^))))  
  
**johnn** : ew  
  
**little lion** : I will shoot you with these finger guns  
  
**johnn** : then I won't have to go and see the inaccurate shark movie  
  
**laf** : you're going to see it  
  
**johnn** : ughhguhghguhguhgughughuhguhg you're so lucky I love you all  
  
**laf** : true  
  
**little lion** : yeah  
  
**more like HUNKules** : rt  
  
\---  
  
**jmadzzz** : I can't believe I am willingly speaking to you but aLEX  
  
**little lion** : I have never seen you use all caps before today it's like I'm seeing you naked  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : watch yourself  
  
**little lion** : excuse me I was summoned not you  
  
**jmadzzz** : how long after you started dating your signifs did you move in together  
  
**little lion** : 5 months  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I wouldn't mind you moving in with me  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : or us finding somewhere with light wood cabinets and granite countertops  
  
**jmadzzz** : I  
  
**jmadzzz** : I can work with granite countertops  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : so you'll move in with me??  
  
**jmadzzz** : yeah if we find a place  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : oh my god yes!!!  
  
**little lion** : wait did I just help you on your moving in together journey  
  
**jmadzzz** : techinically yes  
  
**little lion** : I want to die  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : wait how long have you been dating  
  
**jmadzzz** : that wasn't part of my point when I asked you that question  
  
**little lion** : it's part of mine  
  
**little lion** : consider it my payment for helping you cross a major milestone in your relationship  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : a year on december 25  
  
**jmadzzz** : it was was december 24 but yknow whatever  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : don't get all passive aggressive on me  
  
**jmadzzz** : but it's so easy  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : JAMES  
  
**jmadzzz** : FINENEN  
  
**little lion** : this relationship is a mess and watching it makes me want to kiss my signifs  
  
**jmadzzz** : it was december 24 and the fact that you do not remember is very odd because you were the one that knocked on my front door at 9:30 at night and jumped me as soon as I answered  
  
**little lion** : did you both actually spend christmas alone despite being besties anyway  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : no sometimes we both would go back to virginia  
  
**little lion** : ew  
  
**little lion** : virginia  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I will fight you  
  
**little lion** : wouldn't be the first time won't be the last  
  
**jmadzzz** : anyway no he usually came over to my house earlier that day that's what made him jumping me even mORE surprising than it was  
  
**little lion** : I can't wait for this weekend to be over  
  
\---  
  
**more like HUNKules** : TIME FOR THE SHARK MOVIE  
  
**johnn** : we are the only ones in this theater  
  
**little lion** : I'm already scared  
  
**laf** : my arms are ready to snatch alex tf up  
  
**little lion** : it's starting!!!  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : WHY WERE THERE JUMPSCARES  
  
**more like HUNKules** : ITS A SHARK MOVIE  
  
**little lion** : YES I UNDERSTAND BUT AT THE BEGINNING WITH THE BOY AND THE GO PRO FUCKER THINGNG  
  
**johnn** : SO MUCH BLOOD  
  
**johnn** : AND THE SHARK DIED AT THE END LIKE WHY  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I LIKED IT  
  
**johnn** : OF COURSE YOU DID YOU'RE A SHARK NERD  
  
**johnn** : YOU WERE PROBABLY ONE OF THOSE KIDS THAT HAD THE BABY SHARK IN A JAR IN THEIR BEDROOMS  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I KNEW KIDS LIKE THAT BUT I NEVER WAS ONE  
  
**johnn** : GOOD  
  
**johnn** : ALSO SO MUCH BLOOD  
  
**little lion** : SHE GAVE HERSELF STITCHES WITH JEWELRY  
  
**more like HUNKules** : WE SHOULD GO FOR ICE CREAM  
  
**little lion** : YES  
  
**little lion** : LET ME BE COMFORTED WITH FOOD  
  
**johnn** : LETS GO  
  
\---  
  
**jmadzzz** : thomas why is half of my stuff in your bathroom  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : bc you bring it here and then you leave it here  
  
**jmadzzz** : that sounds fake but okay  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : also get used to it bc when we move in together all of your stuff will be in OUR bathroom  
  
**little lion** : who even wants to move in with jefferson tho  
  
**little lion** : like he's not even cute  
  
**jmadzzz** : he looks exactly like one of your significant others  
  
**little lion** : idk why you refuse to refer to them by first name  
  
**little lion** : well in this case it's their last name but I digress  
  
**little lion** : anyway lafayette is way prettier than jefferson  
  
**jmadzzz** : I respectfully disagree  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : omg I love you  
  
**jmadzzz** : love you too  
  
**little lion** : I'm going to go vom bYE  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : honestly this was a great date night idk what could make it better  
  
**laf** : rt  
  
**johnn** : true  
  
**more like HUNKules** : rt rt rt  
  
\---  
  
**GWASH** : madison has sent me the screenshots of your group chat messages to him and jefferson and I have decided that it's no longer necessary for you to be in it anymore  
  
**little lion** : sir are you serious  
  
**GWASH** : idk probably I'm tired  
  
**little lion** : okay me all the time rt rt rt but like thANKS FOR FREEING ME FROM EVIL  
  
**GWASH** : no problem  
  
**little lion** : okay wait did he send you all of the messages  
  
**GWASH** : yes I know about your sex lives and I am trying to forget them gooDNIGHT  
  
**little lion** : BYE THANKS  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : IM FREE OF THE CURSE  
  
**laf** : ??  
  
**little lion** : GWASH SAID I DONT HAVE TO BE IN THE GC WITH TJEFFS AND MADS ANYMORE  
  
**laf** : !!!YAY!!!  
  
**little lion** :  F R E E D O M  
  
**johnn** : it's oVER!!!!!  
  
**more like HUNKules** : WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
  
**little lion** : LETS GO TO SLEEP  
  
**laf** : O KAY  
  
**johnn** : LETS GOOGOGO  
  
**more like HUNKules** : WOOO OOOOOOO OOOoO OOOO  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : alex and jefferson are arguing again  
  
**laf** : I guess some things never change  
  
**johnn** : good  
  
**johnn** : I don't want alex to change  
  
**laf** : none of us do  
  
**johnn** : but I'll still love him if he does  
  
**more like HUNKules** : we all will  
  
**johnn** : that's nice  
  
**laf** : yeah  
  
**more like HUNKules** : yeah  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : guys what the fuck who gave you permission to be sappy without me it's nine in the morning

**Author's Note:**

> I officially have written 200k words on ao3, 168 days since I started writing on here and 58 days since I hit 100k words!!!


End file.
